It’s Just a Blog
I finally had some time to myself last night and spent a very good part of it cruising the Blogosphere, like I am often wont to do. (Yeah, that’s right, I said wont. What’s your beef?) And by the 17th blog post I read about how hard it is to pack for/make reservations for/get ready in general for the upcoming BlogHer Conference, which I’m not packing/making reservations/getting ready in general for because I’m not going, I had a little bit of an epiphany.
Now, I have a lot of favorite blogs that I check out on a regular basis… and many (although not all) of them would qualify as “Mommy Blogs” because, well I guess I AM one now.
Even though I DESPISE that term “Mommy Blog” – it sounds so fucking condescending, like Oh, you’re a MOMMY. And you BLOG. Yeah, I bet that’s just FASCINATING to read, I’ll be sure to check it out (not).”
But anyway, despite the name, since I entered into this Exotic Land of Electronic Words and Pictures a few months ago, I’ve come across some really great “Mommy Blogs” that I read on a regular basis. Others aren’t so great but have one or two elements that captured my attention, so I go back every now and then to see what’s new. Still others kind of suck, but I left a comment once and the blogger commented back, and now I feel obligated to keep returning – like going on a date that was really bad, but the guy was kind of nice, and now he’s just kind of pathetic, so you accept a second date, and then spend the rest of the week thinking Why did I do that and how can I get out of it?
(Not that I’ve ever done that, I mean at least not in the last 17 years, but if I WAS single and DID date, I imagine that’s pretty much how it would go for me. Assuming I was ever lucky enough even to be asked out by THAT guy, which I probably wouldn’t because I am SO not the social butterfly.)
(Oh, and if you’re reading this, and I’ve ever commented on your blog, and now you’re wondering if YOUR blog is the pathetic second-date guy, chances are it’s NOT you I’m talking about. No, really.)
But I digress.
Just a few of my very favorite “Mommy Blogs” (seriously, we need to find a better name for these) include MommyPie, Absolutely Bananas, The McMommy Chronicles, Mommy Needs a Cocktail, Mommy’s Martini (lots of drunk mommies out there, I guess), Crash Test Mommy, The Benevolent Dictator (best name for a “Mommy Blog” EVER) and, of course, The Bloggess.
Some of them are snarky, some are sweet, some have weekly “festivals” that, because I’m a good “Mommy Blogger,” I participate in when I can or when I care to. I have aspired to be Just Like some of them, others aren’t really anything like me and I’ll never try to emulate, but I enjoy reading them anyway. My favorites are always the ones that employ sarcasm at an alarming rate and say “fuck” a lot.
(Note: These are not, by any means, the only blogs I read on a regular basis. I have LOTS of other favorites, many of them written by the non-mommy variety. But this post isn’t about them. It’s about me these “Mommy Blogs” and what a jealous bitch I am how they’re all going to BlogHer and I’m not.)
There is very much a network of “Mommy Blogs” (really, couldn’t we call them “Personal Family Blogs,” or “Domestic Journal Blogs? ” No, those suck, too) — they all seem to know each other, or at least know OF each other, and they often refer back to each other in their posts. Blogrolls (that little list of favorite links on the sidebar of a blog, for those of you, like me, with no clue) often look eerily similar, with the same Usual Suspects appearing over and over. Most of them also keep in touch via Twitter, a social networking site that is notoriously unreliable and only allows you to type updates of maybe twenty words or less at a time (both a blessing and a curse).
As I started really getting into this whole blogging thing, I found this network of “Mommy Blogs” (”Woman Blogs” maybe? No? Fine, you try then, asshole, it’s not as easy as it looks) and decided immediately that I wanted IN. These blogs were all so clever, so interesting, so entertaining, I should DEFINITELY be In the Club. After all, I was all of those things too… these women would be CRAZY not to welcome me with wide, open arms!
So I started a blogroll of my own, and added most of them. I check their blogrolls often, to see if The Bean has “made it,” and my feelings get hurt when it hasn’t. I joined Twitter and (when it’s working) I put in my two cents here and there. I send “tweets” to let the group know when I’ve published a new blog post, hoping my message will reach them at a weak moment and they’ll click in for lack of anything better to do. I make comments on their blogs when I had something really snarky and bitchy to show how “cool” I am of value to say.
I do all of this with the hope that one or two of them might find what I have to say interesting, might somehow find my latest post and like it, might add me to their blogroll or refer back to me in one of their posts, and maybe one day I could be one of the Usual Suspects, too. Maybe one day someone will ask ME to go to BlogHer. Maybe one day I’LL be one of the cool kids.
I’m not gonna lie, it’s kind of hard work. Definitely time-consuming. And lately I’ve started to think that maybe I should just relax, stop worrying about what Mommy Pie thinks of me, or wondering whether The Bloggess has any idea who I am, or even trying to get their consort “Daddy Bloggers” like Black Hockey Jesus or Backpacking Dad to notice my “tweets” on Twitter. (That’s what she said.)
It’s starting to feel a little bit like I’m back in high school.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some really nice comments and mesages from several of these “Mommy Bloggers” (I’ve got it — “VAGINA MONO-BLOGGERS”!! Get it? Like the Vagina Monologues, but better. We have a winner!), including Mommy Pie herself and McMommy and Auds at Barking Mad and Crash Test Mommy. The ones that I have interacted with have been Fucking Awesome in their own special ways, and I wouldn’t expect anything less, given what great writers/VAGINA MONO-BLOGGERS they are.
But lately I find myself becoming a bit disenchanted with the whole VAGINA MONO-BLOGGING business.
The BlogHer thing is what’s done me in. I got into this whole blogging deal late in the game, I guess, and I didn’t even know this thing existed until the posts about how everyone was already going started. I did look it up, and it looks very cool, and I would love to go to something like that and meet other VAGINA MONO-BLOGGERS and see how they do it. Being new to the game, it would be great to see what works, what doesn’t, what’s fun, what sucks, what’s easy, what’s hard, etc.
And seeing how I started this VAGINA MONO-BLOG for fun but quickly decided I wanted to use it, somehow, to springboard into a real writing career instead of the mind-numbing technical shit I write now, it would probably be beneficial to see how these very accomplished women use their blogs for professional gain, or if they do at all, or if it’s even possible. Maybe I’m just spinning my wheels here. (Which, even if I was, wouldn’t stop me from blogging because I like it and I like to think I’m pretty good at it and it beats going to the gym.)
But, alas, I am NOT going to BlogHer (yeah, I said alas - fuck you). I wasn’t invited and even if I had been I couldn’t go, because I can’t afford a trip to San Francisco right now and I really doubt I could stand to leave my baby Bean for even one night, no matter how bad ass it would be to see the Fish Market and ride a cable car and drive across the Golden Gate and maybe catch a gay marriage ceremony or two.
But they keep writing about it. And writing about it. And writing about it. Which I guess makes sense, since it’s The Big Thing for them right now and after all, blogging is all about whatever Your Big Thing is at the moment. And it’s only going to get worse as the conference gets closer, and as they all start panicking about what they’ll wear, how their hair looks, who they’ll meet and get shitfaced drunk socialize with.
I’m not going, and I won’t be missed. And I’m not In the Club, either.
Basically, I’m that kid in high school, the one that wants SOOO BAD to be in with the cheerleaders and the football players that I’d sell my soul and eat my boogers if it would get me a foot in the door (but eating my boogers would *probably* have the opposite effect).
I’m the kid that sits at the table JUST to the left of the cool kids’ table in the cafeteria, eating my tray of mystery meat and tots (Napoleon, give me some of your tots) while I watch the cheerleaders flip their hair and the football players puff up their chests as they all eat sushi their maids packed for them and complain about the theme of the upcoming homecoming dance. (I’ve also seen WAAYYYY too many John Hughes films.)
So what I’ve decided is this: I don’t care about being In the Club anymore. I’m not going to try anymore to be cool. I’ll be happy being the dorky kid who uses words like wont and alas and who’s allergic to sushi and breaks out in a nervous sweat when someone I admire leaves a nice comment on my blog. (Seriously, Laurie Kendrick - a nervous sweat.) I’m going to continue writing posts that I like and I’m only going to publish the ones I’m really proud of, and I’m not going to worry about who’s reading them or if they like them. I’m not going to focus on Blog Stats or traffic (okay, that part is a TOTAL lie) but instead I’ll focus on becoming the best writer I can be — and if it’s good enough, the VAGINA MONO-BLOGGERS will flock to ME instead of me trying so hard to be one of THEM.
I will continue to spend late nights reading these fantastic VAGINA MONO-BLOGGERS: MommyPie, Absolutely Bananas, The McMommy Chronicles, Mommy Needs a Cocktail, Mommy’s Martini, Crash Test Mommy, The Benevolent Dictator (still gets the Best Name Award), Barking Mad, The Bloggess, Foolery, even Daddy Bloggers (PENIS BLOGGERS?) Black Hockey Jesus and Backpacking Dad. Oh, and Alias Mother. And That’s What She Blogged. And Dreams, You Got It, Happy. And many, many more.
I will continue to admire them all from afar and laugh out loud at their hilarious posts, and think to myself, Now why can’t I write like that? when I read something truly fantastic. I will even continue to make comments when I think they will show what a hilarious, sarcastic bitch I am are funny and appropriate.
But I’m not aspiring to be anybody else anymore. I’m just me, very happy with my modest little VAGINA MONO-BLOG, which is called The Bean because that’s my kid and he is Fucking Awesome. I hope it will continue to get better as I read and learn and practice and observe more. I hope it will find new readers and keep existing readers satisfied. I won’t blow smoke up anyone’s ass here (I just LUUUUURV that saying) and I’ll never pretend to be something I’m not, no matter how much I might want to.
I hope you like it, but if you don’t, I can live with that, too. Have fun at BlogHer. I’ll be over here, with my boogers and my mystery meat. And no sushi.
9 comments July 5, 2008



























